She Loves You (She Loves You) She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You think you've lost your mind Well, she saw you yesterday I really think you’re fine And she told me what to say She says she loves you And you know it’s not the pills Yes, she loves you And you know you’ve got the chills She said you’re just like her She almost lost her mind But now she says she knows It wasn’t hard to find She says she loves you And you know it’s not the pills Yes, she loves you And you know you’ve got the chills, ooh She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah With a love that ills You know you’ve got the chills You know it's up to you I think it's only fair Age can hurt you, too Apologize to her Because she loves you And you know it’s not the pills Yes, she loves you And you know you’ve got the chills, ooh She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah With a love that ill...

    False Teeth Blues (From Me to You) Da da da, da da dumb dumb da Da da da, da da dumb dumb da There's so much that I want So much that I wanna chew But my teeth have dropped out, so I’m singing my song Of dentures and false teeth blues I've got everything that I want And you know I still can’t chew But my teeth have dropped out, so I’m singing my song Of dentures and false teeth blues I've got teeth that long to chew you And keep you all inside I've got a mouth to swallow you That keeps me satisfied (oh) There's so much that I want So much that I wanna chew But my teeth have dropped out, so I’m singing my song Of dentures and false teeth blues False teeth blues But my teeth have dropped out, so I’m singing my song Of dentures and false teeth blues I've got teeth that long to chew you And keep you all inside I've got a mouth to swallow you That keeps me satisfied (oh) There's so much that I want So much that I wanna chew But my teeth have dropped...

    Please Freeze Me (Please Please Me) Last night as I was going out of my head I thought, pretty soon I’m gonna be dead .. Come on (come on) Come on (come on) Come on (come on) Come on (come on) Please, freeze me, whoa yeah, ‘til there’s a cure You know I’m living here with cancer I pray one day there’ll be an answer Come on (come on) Come on (come on) Come on (come on) Come on (come on) Please, freeze me, whoa, yeah, ‘til there’s a cure You know what I’m contemplating But I need refrigerating for me (just for me) I’ll do all the freezing with you It's so hard to reason with you Whoa, yeah, i need to make me blue? I was put in a graveyard under flowers ‘Cause the refrigerator ran out of power, girl Come on (come on) Come on (come on) Come on (come on) Come on (come on) Please, freeze me, whoa, yeah, ‘til there’s a cure Whoa yeah, ‘til there’s a cure Whoa yeah, ‘til there’s a cure Ask Me Why (‘Cause I can’t remember) (Ask Me Why) I love you because you tell me everythi...

    Help Me Chew (Love Me Do) Please help me do You know I can’t chew I can only eat stew So please Help me do Whoa, help me do Please help me do You know I can’t chew I can only eat stew So please Help me do Whoa, help me do Dentures I’d love, especially new Dentures I’d love, to help me chew Please help me do You know I can’t chew I can only eat stew So please Help me do Whoa, help me do Please help me do You know I can’t chew I can only eat stew So please Help me do Whoa, help me do Whoa-oh, help me chew Yeah, help me do P.S. It's Gruel (PS I Love You) In this Seniors home from a Dickensian tale All we seem to get is soup that’s thin and pale Sometimes made on oatmeal add some salt to taste It’s really just a floured paste P.S. it’s gruel, gruel, gruel, gruel I wanna come home to you son Until the day I do son P.S, it’s gruel, gruel, gruel In this Seniors home from a Dickensian tale All we seem to get is soup that’s thin and pale Sometimes made on oatmeal add some...

    Tragical History Tour Tragical History Tour (Magical Mystery Tour) Roll up roll up for the History Tour Roll up roll up for the History Tour Roll up That's an invitation Roll up for the History Tour Roll up To make a reservation Roll up for the History Tour The Tragical History Tour Is waiting to take you away Waiting to take you away Roll up Roll up for the History Tour Roll up Roll up for the History Tour Roll up They reminisce in all your deeds Roll up for the History Tour Roll up Satisfaction guaranteed Roll up for the History Tour The Tragical History Tour is hoping to take you away Hoping to take you away The History Tour Ah The Tragical History Tour Roll up Roll up for the History Tour Roll up That's an invitation Roll up for the History Tour Roll up To make a reservation Roll up for the History Tour The Tragical History Tour Is coming to take you away Coming to take you away The Tragical History Tour Is dying to take you away Dying to take you away Take y...

    No Hair Man No Hair Man (Nowhere Man) He's a real no hair man Ashley and Martin now in his plans Blaming all his no hair tans on everybody Only has a hair or two Knows not where it’s going to Look into the mirror and see No hair man please listen You don't know how much you’re missing No hair man, you can always use a spray can He's as bald as he can be In his scalp, reflection you’re gonna see No hair man, I can see it all No hair man don't worry Take your time, don't hurry Leave it all 'til somebody else Lends you a can Ah, la, la, la, la Only has a hair or two Knows not where it’s going to Look into the mirror and see No hair man please listen You don't know how much you’re missing No hair man, you can always use a spray can Ah, la, la, la, la He's a real no hair man Ashley and Martin now in his plans Blaming all his no hair tans on everybody Blaming all his no hair tans on everybody Blaming all his no hair tans on everybody Granny...

  Menopause Menopause (Yesterday) Menopause, I’m getting hot and flushed without a cause, Don’t know why, I guess it’s just because , A result of menopause Suddenly, I'm not half the woman I used to be Sweaty skin drops off of me me Oh, menopause came suddenly I take estrogen, progesterone, who would’ve guessed Confusion all the time, now I pine for PMS Menopause, My bitchy moods would sway without a pause I guess it’s just one of nature’s laws All a part of menopause I take estrogen, progesterone, who would’ve guessed Confusion all the time, now I pine for PMS Menopause, My bitchy moods would sway without a pause I guess it’s just one of nature’s laws All a part of menopause Mm mm mm mm mm. Act Eighty-three (Act Naturally) I’m gonna stay out all night long I’m gonna have too much wine and song They say I’m just a man that's sad and lonely And I really should just act eighty-three Well, I'll bet you I'm gonna be a big man Might win a heart, you can never tell A...

    Feables Million Sellers She Loves You (She Loves You) She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You think you've lost your mind Well, she saw you yesterday I really think you’re fine And she told me what to say She says she loves you And you know it’s not the pills Yes, she loves you And you know you’ve got the chills She said you’re just like her She almost lost her mind But now she says she knows It wasn’t hard to find She says she loves you And you know it’s not the pills Yes, she loves you And you know you’ve got the chills, ooh She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah With a love that ills You know you’ve got the chills You know it's up to you I think it's only fair Age can hurt you, too Apologize to her Because she loves you And you know it’s not the pills Yes, she loves you And you know you’ve got the chills, ooh She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah She loves you, yeah, yeah,...

    Feables For Sale No.2 I'll Swallow The Fun (I'll Follow The Sun) At eighty-three And my life is gone Don’t care about any others I’ll just swallow the fun Some day you'll know I was the one But everyday it rains So I'll swallow the fun And now the time has come And so, my love, I must go And though I lose a friend In the end, you will know, oh At eighty-three And my life is gone Don’t care about any others I’ll just swallow the fun Yeah, everyday it rains So I'll swallow the fun And now the time has come And so, my love, I must go And though I lose a friend In the end, you will know, oh At eighty-three And my life is gone Don’t care about any others I’ll just swallow the fun My Voice Cracked (Baby's In Black) Your voice will crack and you’ll get the blues There’s not much that you can do I remember when My voice started to crack And though I don’t want it back My voice started to crack Oh dear, what can you do? Your voice will crack and you’ll ge...

    Feables For Sale No Three Ply (No Reply) This came once as a shock When I had lowered my jocks No three ply And on this aging butt And deep within the rut I’ll use No other tissue I called the wife I called the wife It’s up that you must hop And go down to the shops Post haste There was nothing I could do My butt was streaked with doo No three ply I was waiting gratefully For you to walk in So patiently I nearly cried I nearly cried I never had a doubt That we would ever run out Of paper If I was her, I'd realize that I Am hoping that nothing goes awry If another brand she buys and I Yes I hope that she bring me home three ply She finally came home She thought she was alone No three ply 'Cause I know what she’s like Her mem'ries taken a hike Like before I simply cried I simply cried Because I’ll have to clean With this magazine In its place No three ply No three ply I'm A Wowser (I'm A Loser) I'm a wowser I’m a wowser And it’s all that I appea...

    Extracts From The Album Old Fart's Home No Time At All (Anytime At All) No time left at all, no time left at all There’s no time left at all, I’ve finally hit the wall I’m nearly dead Please don’t you worry my love Just look into my eyes I don t think I’ll make it alright If you're feeling sorry and sad I'd really sympathize Don't be sad, just think of me tonight No time left at all, no time left at all There’s no time left at all, I’ve finally hit the wall I’m nearly dead Now my life has faded away Don’t try to make a shrine It’s pointless you know it won't do I know you’ll need a shoulder to cry on Don’t worry, I’ll send a sign Call me tonight and I'll come to you No time left at all, no time left at all There’s no time left at all, I’ve finally hit the wall I’m nearly dead No time left at all, no time left at all There’s no time left at all, I’ve finally hit the wall I’m nearly dead There’s no time left at all, I’ve finally hit the wall I’m nearly ...

    EXTRACTS FROM THE FILM OLD FART'S HOME I Should Have Known Better (At My Age) (I Should Have Known Better) I should have known better and at my age too That you can’t look at a girl who’s 22 And I do, hey, hey, hey, and I do Whoa, oh, I never realized what a kiss could be Especially when you’re 83 Can't you see, can't you see That when I tell you that I love you, oh You know I thought you swore, oh And when I ask you to be mine You're gonna say you love my money more So oh, I should realized a lot of things before If this is love you've got to spend so much more Spend some more, hey, hey, hey, spend some more Whoa, oh, I never realized what a kiss could be Especially when you’re 83 Can't you see, can't you see That when I tell you that I love you, oh You know I thought you swore, oh And when I ask you to be mine You're gonna say you love my money more Love my money, Love my money, Love my money   If I Smell (If I Fell) If I smell too much for...

    Long Tall Latte (Long Tall Sally) Caught the Community bus Down to Donut King And when I got there I began to sing Oh, baby Yeah, now, baby Woo Baby Coffee ‘n' donuts today Went to Donut King Had a long, tall latte And two free senior donuts And in my mouth there was a party Oh, baby Yeah, now, baby Woo Baby Coffee ‘n' donuts today Well now long, tall lattes taste Pretty sweet They’ve got everything that I really need Oh, baby Yeah, now, baby Woo Baby Coffee ‘n' donuts today Well, we're gonna have some coffee today Have some donuts today Everything's okay Have some Coffee today Have some donuts today Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah We're gonna have some coffee today Have some donuts today Everything's okay Have some coffee today Have some coffee Some coffee today I Call Your Name (I Call Your Name) I call your name but you can’t hear It’s such a shame something’s wrong with your ear Oh, you can’t hear at night Since it’s been gone You always tear at...